A Night Visitor

I live in a small house in the countryside. While life is peaceful and comfortable， I often feel bored， for there is nothing new or interesting. But a few days ago， something moved me very much.

　　One night， I was at home alone. Father and Mother had gone to see the doctor. Suddenly， it began to rain. The lightning flashed across the sky and I could hear the sound of（1） the rain beating the ground. Just at this [that] （2） time， I heard something. It was not the rain， not the wind， not the lightning. I really heard something， just outside the door. I wished it were April Fool's Day. I wished it were my friends' joke. I really got frightened. But I was so curious that eventually I opened the door. Oh！ A cat！ A poor cat！ She lay on the floor， wet all over. I at once held it in the arms and shut the door. It was much warmer in the house. Soon she felt better and began to walk around the room. I gave her some hot milk to drink and some delicious food to eat. Now I could see her clearly. I had never seen so lovely a cat. She was so white and neat that I wanted very much to touch her slightly[gently] （3）。 After a very short time， she was in better conditions. She was a very naughty girl. We played together. Soon， we became good friends.

　　We spent several wonderful days together， but I knew she was not mine. I had to find her owner though I really didn't want to. We parted（分手）at last. I miss her very much now and I think she must have the same feeling. I will never forget this night visitor.

　　南京外国语学校高三（2）班 王岚

　　评语

　　生活中的一件小事，写得较为生动。语言结构使用准确贴切，如：wet all over， so lovely a cat， in better conditions等。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）这里 the sound of可以省去，句子反而简洁生动。

　　（2）回忆过去那个时候，应该用that.

　　（3）slightly指程度“轻”，如：feel slightly ill， just slightly too much salt in the soup.动作“轻”，一般用 gently或softly.