Autumn, My Favorite Season

Of the four seasons in the year， I like autumn best. It's doubtless that there are many lovable things in the year round. Some people may appreciate the sprouts （新芽） of spring， the thunderstorm of summer， or the snowflakes （雪花） of winter. I， too， value those presents of the nature very much. Autumn， however， to my opinion， is the soul （灵魂） of the year [is the soul of the year in my opinion] （1）。

　　Clearly， autumn is the season of foliage （叶子）。 There are leaves of so many colors that no painter has enough pigments （颜料） to draw them down [paint them] （2）， and that no author has enough words to describe them. This wonder can only be credited to （归功于） the nature. I am always attracted by the beauty of the colorful leaves. Even a single leaf has a lot of hues （色彩）。 Is it green， brown， yellow， or red？ I just cannot tell the definite one [colour] （3）。 When held against the shining sun， the yellow leaf itself is shining like gold.

　　The high blue sky is another charm （迷人之处） of autumn. It seems like a wise old man， calm and high-spirited， and is always generous （慷慨的） with tepid [pleasant] （4） sunshine and clear weather.

　　Those leaves and the blue sky， though arousing my love for autumn， are still not the dearest characteristics of the season. The leaves are fragile （脆弱的） and will fall one day. And sometimes in other seasons， the sky may be clearer， the summer [in the summer] （5） after a shower， for example. But no other season is comparable to the autumn in terms of its“wisdom”。 It benefits people with not only the harvest but also the magnificent scene （美妙的景色）。 It really shows the intellect of the nature.

　　We human beings also have the spirit of the autumn. Have you ever seen old people doing morning exercises？ In spite of their old age and fragile bodies， they are still active and industrious. They are to the society what beautiful leaves of the autumn to the nature. I am really moved by them. I really love autumn.

　　上海市向明中学高三（2）班 侯燕

　　评 语

　　这是篇颇有抒情味的描述文，作者从秋天的叶子，写到秋天的天空，而后指出秋天最美的东西是其“成熟的智慧”，同时将人类与其相比，使文章有了一定的深度。从词语的选择和句型的运用还可以看出作者的英语语言基础不错，如：appre ciate， hue， be credited to， They are to the society what beautiful leaves of the autumn to the nature等等。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）原文介词to用错了，应为in my opinion.另外，原文有给人支离破碎的感觉。

　　（2）draw是用铅笔、钢笔画图；用颜料画图，动词一般用paint.另外，原文中的down也是多余的。

　　（3）原文中的代词one指代不清，不如去掉，直说colour.

　　（4）tepid用得不当。作者的意思大概是秋天的太阳既不很热，也不很冷。但根据Longman词典，tepid意为“only slightly warm”，常有抽象含义，如tepid relationship/interest等。

　　（5）原句主语是the sky， summer是时间状语，其前面应该加介词in.