A Football Dream

Football， the most exciting game in this world， is loved by billions of people in different countries， and I am one of the billions of them. But what is football ？[But why is football， instead of anything else？ And what does football really mean？ ] （1）

　　Football is a spirit （精灵） . No one can tell what will happen next. It may have a complete different ending in any minute of a match.

　　Football is the God. It has so many true fans that it is unable to count. So long as the flame of football is on， they will keep on jumping， shouting， singing， and never feel tired.

　　Football is a lump of fire， warm and exciting. Just because of this， it owns so many fans that the number of people whowatch the World Cup is much larger than that who watch the Olympic Games. Yeah， football is a dream， an unbelievable dream.

　　What does football really mean？ A thousand people may have a thousand different answers. It means Brazilian team， Italian team， Ronaldo， Weah， Shearer … But one thing you may have forgotten [or you may not know] （2）： football was invented in China. Today football is brought under control[the world football field is dominated （统治） ] （3） by foreigners， and we are still trying to take part in the World Cup [have been trying to take part in the finals of the World Cup ] （4） ， yet we've lost again and again.

　　One day ， maybe [surely] （ 5 ） one day ， history will see an Asian football team win the championship of the world： a great name was [will then be] （6） carved on the golden cup —— CHINA.

　　北京工业大学附中高二（2）班 王川

　　评 语

　　本文作者是一名足球爱好者。他用文字表达了自己对足球的热爱，也表达了对中国足球的美好祝愿。文章一连用了三个“Football is…”这样的排比句式，用球迷自信的语调介绍了自己对足球的理解，从而增加了文章的感染力。文中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）从上下文语气上看，原文中的问题问得有些唐突，故改之。

　　（2）可能会有人不知道这一事实，加上这一句使语气婉转一些。

　　（3）原文有些中国式英语的味道，故改之。

　　（4）改用现在完成进行时，更能表达“一直在努力。”另外，参加世界杯外围赛，算不算参加了世界杯？

　　（5）用surely比maybe更有力。

　　（6）原文可能想表示虚拟，其实完全可以用一般将来时表达一种自信。