Money Made with My Own Hands

Our school library has students for its librarians. I am one of them. Before each new school term， our school library has to get new textbooks to the school from bookshops. There are eight student-librarians and four teachers to do the job——carrying and putting in order about 2000 sets of books. It is a very hard job.

　　I first did it last summer holidays. There were so many books that they looked like a small hill. We transported them to [the] （1） school in a big truck and by that time we were all wet through [with sweat]. （2） Then， there was another important thing to do. We had to take all the books up to the library， which was on the second floor [of our school building] （3）， and separated them by each grade and each class. An hour later， I felt so tired that I couldn't go on walking with books. But seeing that （4） others working very hard， I stood up and began to carry the books again. I shouldn't have stopped though I was a girl. It was getting hotter and hotter， but we had only two electric fans in the library. Two hours， and four hours passed…At five o'clock we finished our work at last. We all felt very tired with sweat running down like raindrops， but no one complained. At that time， the teacher said：“We have too many books this term， so you are quite worn-out. I， on behalf of the school leaders， express our heartfelt thanks to you. We don't have much money， so we only give each of you ten yuan. You must accept it.” I held the money very happily. Although it was only ten yuan， it was the money made with my own hands.

　　北京工业大学附中高二（3）班 李卉

　　评 语

　　文章基本上体现了英语记叙文的“五个W”和“一个H”的要求。结合帮图书馆搬书这一勤工俭学活动，表达了学生树立劳动观念的重要性，以及用自己的劳动获取报酬后的喜悦心情。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）这里school表示的是一个特定的地点，而非“上学”等抽象概念，因此前面加上定冠词the为好。

　　（2）加上with sweat使句子意思更完整些。

　　（3）原文仅说the second floor，表达不清。

　　（4）这个that是多余的。“see+宾语+分词”表示“看到……干……。