Bilingual Education Proved Successful

The third Bilingual Cup Competition was held last month among the three bilingual schools： Li Huili High School， Jianping High School and No. 1 High School affiliated to East China Normal University. [The Third Bilingual Cup Competition was held last month in Shanghai. Students from Li Huili High School， Jianping High School and No. 1 High School affiliated to East China Normal University， the city's three bilingual schools where both Chinese and English are used in various classes， took part in the competition.] （1）

　　Mr. Pa Xinfu， vice-principal of Li Huili High School extended a warm welcome to all competitors.

　　The first part of the competition was individual impromptu speech（即兴演讲）。 Each competitor was given two minutes to prepare for his topic. When they stood on the stage and faced so many people， some of them seemed to be nervous and afraid （2）。 But the contents of speeches attracted[their speeches interested] （3） the audience.

　　The second part was group item： short plays. The performance was so wonderful that you could hardly believe that they were creations by the students themselves. （4）

　　At the end of the competition， Mr. Wang Xingyang， professor from SISU（5） summed up the competition：“Every competitor has acted so marvellously that we find it difficult to decide who the winner is. This competition is very successful. This proves that our bilingual education has won some success. We should work hard to make further progress.”

　　上海市李惠利中学初二（1）班 周怡琳

　　评 语

　　本文作者用新闻体写作，是一次有益的尝试。下面结合新闻体基本要求，对文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）一般而言，英语新闻的第一段应简明地表述清楚“谁在何时何地以何种方式干某事”，也就是类似记叙文中讨论过的五个W.尽管有时可以去掉其中苦干个W，而突出某几个W，但一般来说，这五个W是第一段所要表达的内容。原文缺了where，who也不清楚，故改之。另外，bilingual一词也较难，加上定语从句where…classes较清楚。

　　（2）新闻一定要客观，尽可能避免记者的主观意见。原文主观性较强，可改为some of them felt“nervous and afraid”， as they later said.

　　（3）speeches前应该加定冠词，另外，attract不如用interest为好。

　　（4）这句又是主观色彩太浓。可用加上引用别人的话之类的手法来表示客观报道，如：

　　The performance， according to some judges， was so wonderful…themselves.

　　（5）缩写是新闻中常用的，但必须在有了前文的条件下才能用。因此，这里应改为Shanghai International Studies University（SISU）。这样，后面再提到这所学校，可用SISU.