你写我改：BEC评点网友作文(2)

本期作文题目：
　　写一封正式的信件，邀请一位记者参加发布会，字数在120-140左右。
　　信件须包含以下五个要点。
　　1.产品名称
　　2.产品发布会地点
　　3.这一活动的日期和时间
　　4.活动计划的一些具体内容
　　5.回复的最后期限
　　老师指点：
　　首先，写商务信函的具体格式和要求如下：
　　1.写信人的地址；
　　2.收信人地址；
　　3.参考
　　注：一般商业信函中有的一个注解，通常包括信函签字人和打字人的姓名首字母缩写，有时候也有部门名称的缩写，这样以备存档和查找方便。
　　4.日期；
　　5.格式化的开头；
　　6.标题；
　　7.正文；
　　8.结束语；
　　9.签名；
　　10.姓名及职位；
　　11.附件。
　　网友作文一：
　　Dear Sir or Madam:
　　I[1] am writing to invite you for a new mobile telephone release comference.There will be a New Product & Trends Presentation in Qinhua Saloon at 9 o'clock on Saturday morning.Our manager will present and answer your[2] questions.
　　Please inform us before Friday this week so as to facilitate our arrangements in advance.
　　Looking forward to your reply
　　Faithfully,
　　XXX[3]
　　[1]开头可以有一句：With reference to your letter of the 15th this month, 或者：I am very honored to invite you to attend the ....因为如果完全没有之前的业务咨询或者往来，发出这样一封邀请信会比较唐突，换个角度想想，你要是记者，会接受这样一个突如其来，没有任何先兆和信息的邀请信么？
　　[2]回答什么问题，可以用enclosure 的形式体现，因为字数限制。
　　[3]格式不对
　　网友作文二：
　　Dear Mr. Simth,
　　I am writing to invite you to take part in[1] our new product Model 123 printer announcement event, which will be held on the banquet hall of China Grand Hotel.
　　On[2] the event, the printer's functions will be descibed in detail, and you will have chance to experience yourself on the new product. And there is a cocktail party in the evening. Please pay attention to the following notes:
　　Place: on the 3rd floor,the banquet hall of China Grand Hotel
　　Time: 15:00 on July 4, 2008
　　Would you please fax me a reply before July 2 in case of your seat[3].
　　Looking farward to your prompt reply and expecting your attendence. [4]
　　Best regards[5],
　　Applegreenjh
　　[1]换成：attend/present 都可以。这个词组一般指群众集会型
　　[2]During
　　[3]For reserving/booking.
　　[4]好句子，回归本色。
　　[5]Yours faithfully
　　网友作文三：
　　Dear Brian,
　　I represent the D&G Electronics Company in HongKong, and invite you to attend our new product –multifunction watch press, which will be held on Tuesday, 1st July. The latest product of this press is a new-model and unique watch, not as normal as others[1] , whose functions have games ,in particular, mp3 & digital player. We believe such a product would lead another fresh trend in market. If you could present in the press, please fill up the VIP card enclosed by return before Saturday,28th June.
　　We look forward to your attendance.
　　Best wishes[2] ,
　　Jolene
　　[1]废话，前面用了unique, 这里就不要再用了。
　　[2]问题同上，格式和称谓。