A Story in My Childhood
I still remember something interesting in my childhood. One day,some of my little friends founded(成立)a “kingdom”(王国)and made a ten-year-old boy their “king”。 They also made it a rule that nobody else could join them in playing games unless he or she became a member of the “kingdom”。 How I wished to join the“kingdom”and play with the children! So the next day I went to see the“king”。
“Hello, king! I'd like to be a man of yours. Would you like to admit me?”I asked.
“It depends if[That depends on whether](1) you can guess our password,”the“king”answered.
“Oh, it's too much to[for](2) me,”as I knew they changed their password every day.“But I'd like to have a try.”I said.“By the way, how many times can I guess?”
“Three times. Now it's time for your first try[your first try](3)。”
“The sky,”I said without thinking much.
“No. Guess again.”
“The sun?”
“That's wrong. Now the last chance for you.”
I felt nervous. Suddenly I saw a tree nearby.
“Tree,”I shouted.
“You're mistaken again.”
My heart sank. Just when I was about to go home, the “king”stopped me.“Just a moment, please. Now I declare you are my man!”
What a pleasant surprise! But I didn't know why I was so lucky until I found out later that the“king”hadn't decided on the password for that day until I said“tree”。
陕西省长安205研究所附中 Yue Zhi
评 语
这是一篇写得颇有童趣的作文,特别是对话部分写得尤为出色。另外,结尾出人意料,使文章更具可读性。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:
(1)depend on“取决于”后面不能用if引导的从句。That depends或It all depends意为“这要看情况”,后面一般不再跟句子。
(2)这里应该是“It's too much for me to do that”的简写,因此me前面介词要用for,不能用to.
(3)已经说了now,可以不必再用It's time,否则在口语中会显得啰唆。
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