Visiting Pakistan

During the summer vacation， I visited Karachi， Pakistan with my father.

　　Pakistan is an Islamic country. The greater part[majority] （1） of Pakistanis believe in Islamism. Men usually wear white robes（长袍）which contrast sharply with their dark brown skin. Most women cover their faces with black scarfs （2）。 Contrary to our customs， they express agreement by shaking heads while disagreement（不同意）by nodding heads. Their official language is English， but they speak with an obvious local accent（地方口音）。 At first， it was very difficult for me to understand what they were saying.

　　Karachi is the largest city in Pakistan. Karachi and Shanghai are sister cities. They have similar population and size， but different styles. In the city， there are many Islamic style buildings which are all unique and perfect in design. During my stay there， the weather was so hot that the temperature was always up to 40 degrees centigrade. Heat covered the ground like a blanket and the sun was shining too. No wonder their skin is so dark. But in fact they belong to the white races.

　　Karachi is also the most important port in Pakistan. Huge trucks rumble（辘辘驶过）in and out （3） the harbour. Great passenger liners and large cargo boats can be seen. They bring to Pakistan raw materials and equipments [equipment] （4） for its industries and take away wool， leather and cotton textile products.

　　Karachi International Airport is beautiful and grand. Nearly every five minutes there is an airplane taking off or landing there. Many Asians change their planes there for Europe or Africa， because the ticket price of Pakistan airline is much cheaper than that of any other country.

　　During my stay there the most impressions [what impressed me most] （5） was their friendship to China.“Chinese， good friends”could be heard here and there as I went. When we arrived at Karachi Airport we passed customs without any checking. When we did some shopping， shop assistants would say “Chinese， I'll offer you a friendly price.”Almost every shop assistant could speak a little Chinese.

　　It was a good experience for me to stay in an English speaking country for two weeks. I'm still thinking of days there. I wish I can [could] （6） enjoy more exotic（异国的）scenery in the future.

　　江西师范大学附属中学高三（2）班 王歆蓓

　　评 语

　　这是一篇写得较为成功的游记。作者既详略有致地介绍了旅游地的特征，又突出了对自己印象最深的事情。语言运用也较为熟练，有些句型、表达法用得较好，如：no wonder， but in fact， every five minutes， offer sb. a price等等。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）说人口的大部分，用majority为好。

　　（2）scarf的复数用scarves和scarfs均可。

　　（3）这里out为介词。

　　（4）equipment是不可数名词。

　　（5）原句有中国式英语之嫌，且这里impression用复数也不妥。

　　（6）with的宾语从句要用虚拟式。