My Hometown

My hometown is a beautiful place. The most attractions [attractive things] （1） are the river in front of my house and the green hills opposite my house. On the hills there is a dense pine forest [are dense pine woods] （2）。 The river， in which there are all kinds of big and smooth cobbles （圆石块）， flows gurgling （汩汩声） in four seasons， with schools [groups] （3） of fish and shrimps playing in the water.

　　Spring coming， the fields look like a green carpet， and the willows （杨柳） by the river are putting forth a lot of tender branches. With breeze blowing， the long thin branches gently brush the cool and refreshing water； there groups of ducks are having fun.

　　Summer follows spring. The children sit on the large stones in the river， where they pat the water and make splashes （水溅声）。 The sound of water， and the noise of the children's chatting and laughing are mixed together. The birds in the forest [woods] （4） are unwilling to be lonely， singing and dancing with joy.

　　Autumn is a bright and colourful season. The leaves of the trees on the hills are as red as fire as if [like] （5） pieces of rosy clouds. The paddy fields （水稻田） glitter in the sunshine， with dropping ears of rice （稻穗）。 They ripple in the autumn wind just like a golden sea.

　　In winter， the pine trees on the hills stand like soldiers. They are evergreen. The children lead an active life though the weather is very cold； they skate and dance in the snow， and make snowmen as well. Laughter spreads [can be heard] （6） everywhere.

　　Oh， how beautiful my hometown is！ It is simply a beautiful picture for every season.

　　湖北省浠水师范9407班 张关兰

　　评 语

　　作者从四季着眼看家乡，角度较为巧妙，便于行文和描述。文章能准确把握家乡四季景色的特点，语言运用得较好。但有几处用词不够准确，修改如下：

　　（1）这里most不可能作“大多数”解，只能理解为形容词的级。

　　（2）、（4）根据上下文，这里用forest，似乎有点过头，改用woods （=a place where trees grow， smaller than a forest） 较好。

　　（3）school可以表示鱼群，但一般指较大群（同类鱼），这里根据上下文，还是用group较好。

　　（5）as if后接从句，或在一定上下文中接不定式等。这里后接名词还是加上介词like为好。

　　（6）spread强调主语可以伸展开，但laughter更应强调声音，故改为can be heard较好。