Saying what you mean

You've got to be able to say what you mean. If you don't get it right, you might end up immortalized in those joke lists flitting around cyberspace, like these selections of mangled English on signs from various countries:

　　In a Greek hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
　　In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
　　In a Roman laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
　　At a Swiss mountain inn: Special today—no ice cream.
　　In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
　　At the Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
　　In a Paris hotel: Please leave your values at the front desk.

　　At least these sentences have a good excuse: they were written in a second language. Most students don't have that to fall back on, but over the years I've seen student writing that makes these examples read like Hemingway.