An Unforgettable Teacher

Every September 10th is Teachers' Day. It's a special festival in China which shows great honour to teachers. Today I'd like to use this article as a special present for an unforgettable teacher who changed my life so far.

　　As we know， a good teacher decides [can play a decisive role in shaping （使……成形）] （1） a person's future all his life. To meet a good teacher is one's honour [good luck] （2）。 Maybe I'm a lucky student. As a pupil in primary school I was very naughty. The teachers didn't like me at all， because I didn't study hard. They said that I would [could] （3） do nothing when I grew up. I felt self-abased （自卑） and began to give up studies.

　　Luckily a new teacher came and changed my life. He was a tall middle-aged man with a big mole （痣） beside the mouth， looking rather strict. At first I was very afraid of him. I was afraid to talk to him. Even when I saw him far away， I just made a detour （绕道而行） ——just because I was a bad child. But the new teacher didn't think so. He tried to talk to me to encourage me. For [When he found] （4） I didn't like to do exercises， he bought a few books for me. At first I was not ready to accept his kindness but after I knew that he had to feed the whole family with only his salary [his whole family relied on his salary] （5） and was very poor， I was deeply shocked. From then on I studied much harder than ever before. I wanted to show them that I could do something when I grew up. The teacher gave me more and more help. At last we became good friends.

　　But， sad things happened. In 1994 the teacher died of cancer at the age of 46. When I heard the news of his death I cried sadly. It was him [he] （6） who gave me a second life at school， helped me to stand up after falling… But I couldn't see him any more. I didn't even have a photo of him. I was really heartbroken.

　　I don't know how to repay my teacher. Today， and every Teachers' Day， I just stand at my desk， look at the books that he bought for me and thank him in silence.“Happy Teachers' Day”。 I really hope he could hear me as before. I will never forget him who once saved a little child！

　　安徽省合肥市第一中学高二（4）班 贺佳

　　评 语

　　贺佳同学的作文写得十分感人。文章围绕两个巨大的“反差”进行描述：一是大家都说“我”没有出息，连我自己也因为自认是“坏孩子”而躲着新老师，可老师却不这样认为；二是当“我” 和老师成了好朋友，学习取得进步时，老师却因病离“我”而去。这样的描述无疑增加了文章的感染力。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）原文有中国式英语之嫌，故改之。后面all his life应删去。

　　（2）honour用得不妥。

　　（3）用would意思成了“不会去干任何事”，其实作者的原意应该是“什么事都不会干”，因此，要改用could.

　　（4）for表示原因时，是并列连接词，因此，要用在句子后半部分。

　　（5）原句feed用得欠妥，另外he作主语，而后面and wasvery poor的主语似乎应该是his family，故改之。

　　（6）在强调结构中，强调主语的代词要用主格。