My Fathers Bike
Vehicle has become more and more popular in the past few years. Many people have motorbikes. But, my father still rides his old bike. This afternoon, when I came back from school, I saw my father's bike against the wall. It is [was] (1) old and broken, but I remember it used to be very beautiful and take me to many places in my childhood. More than twelve years ago, when I was a child, my father usually took me to school with this bike. Now I noticed it was not as beautiful as before. I always think it would be better for rather to change a new one [change it for a new one] (2)。 However, he hasn't. I still remember that one day I had a high fever at midnight, and it was with thisbike that Father took me to the hospital at once.
Now I am a student of senior high school. I have my own bike. Surely, it looks much more beautiful than my father's. But I don't know why I'm always feeling that my father's bike much fairer than mine [my father's bike is much more beautiful than mine] (3)。
My father has done too [so] (4) much for me with it.
People say,“The mother's love is the greatest.”But I think Father's love is equally the greatest.
上海松江县第三中学高一(2)班 李欢颖
评 语
儿女赞扬自己父母亲的文章不少,但本文不是从正面平铺直叙,而是从描写父亲的自行车入手,颇有新意。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下:
(1)原文时态有误。
(2)原文成了“换掉新车”了,故改之。
(3)原文that是从句引导词,但后面没了谓语动词。另外,fair也用得不妥。既然上文多次用到beautiful,为了呼应,强调,这里仍可使用。
(4)too有“过度”的含义,故改之。
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