I Love Music

If you inquire the best form of entertainment， I'll recommend music to you because I love music.

　　Listening to music， we'll find ourselves mysteriously lead [ led ] （1） out of the concrete （具体的） surroundings， while softly being conquered by the atmosphere it produces. It is the music language， consisting of melody （曲调）， beats （节奏）， as well as what is produced by background instruments， that plays such a magic. Classical pieces （古典曲子） ， which are relatively more genteel （斯文的） ， contain the creams [ cream ] （ 2 ） of human history and culture and reflect out [ reflecting ] （ 3 ） forerunners'views towards art and life. Modern music， however， stands out in sharp relief （对比）。 It is more exciting， arousing us from dull life. Absorbed in music， we'll be pleased to see the world is so richly vivid. And we are ready to face life with a freshened mind.

　　Playing music ourselves is supposed to be of equal fun， though most students [ most of us students ] （ 4 ） can not play musical instruments or compose our own music. We can demonstrate （展示） our unique tastes in singing， which is enough to express ourselves in an understandable way. Music is a sort of communication in which sparkles some spirit [ which can enliven in our minds something] （5） that will never die.

　　Students' lives are bound up with monotonies [ monotony （单调） ] （6 ） to a great extent. Many a time， I struggle to stretch out my arms in desire for a change in life and find music is amongthe very few forms of entertainment available. Fortunately we have it within our reach while many other distractions（消遣） do not belong to our world at all. So music appears to be outstandingly precious.

　　I love music. I love its artistic conception and the resonance （共鸣） it sets up. I appreciate it as some real art as well as aid. Don't you feel like it， too？

　　上海外国语学校 林颖

　　评 语

　　文章能模仿欧美散文作家的文体和语气，用抽象的词语来表达自己的思想，选词和语句结构也表现出较高的语言运用能力。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）这里lead作ourselves的宾语补足语，是被动含义，应该用过去分词led.

　　（2）cream 作抽象意义用时含义为the best part（of），但一般用作单数。

　　（3）原文 reflect out （反映出）中的 out是多余的。另外，把reflect改成分词形式reflecting，使句子的主要动词contain更加突出，reflecting短语为补充说明。

　　（4）作者显然把自己放在学生地位，因此，仅说most students 似乎有游离开学生的感觉，加上us会使作者的学生地位更明确。

　　（5）原句“in which…”这一定语从句，作者想用的是倒装语序，但不够自然，特别是介词in用得不好，故改之。

　　（6）monotony是不可数名词。