Forgive Me,Mum

June 16

　　Dear Mum，

　　Excuse me for writing to you and not speaking to you in person， because I still don't have enough courage to tell you face to face a secret which is in my heart [has been in my mind]（1）for many years. Do you remember one afternoon three years ago？That day， you let me to wash [wash]（2）the clothes as you felt very tired. But I refused. You were angry and criticized me. I hated you at the time. So when you were out， I cut your prized （心爱的）pleated skirt（百褶裙）。 That evening， when you took out the pleated skirt， I was very much afraid that the secret [what I had done]（3）would be found out. So I pretended to be very sad and told you that the pleated skirt was broken while washing [got torn through washing]（4）。 When you heard the news you did not reproach（责备）me， but I saw your eyes were wet…

　　Three years passed. Once in a while [Whenever]（5）I thought that the pleated skirt was the only pretty one you had， I felt a prick of conscience（良心的责备）。 In the past three years， you've showed loving care for me and never minded my bad temper. You have been afflicted with a lingering disease（慢性病），and you have changed a lot. Every time I see the pleated skirt which is still lying in the drawer and gaze at your aged face， I feel very sorry——Mum，forgive me， please.

　　Your sweetheart，

　　Coca

　　上海市第三女子中学高一（4）班 可 可

　　评 语

　　书信可以帮助我们表达无法当面表达的思想。Coca有愧于母亲，又没有勇气当面承认，书信便成了的交际手段。由于是母女之间，因此，文笔比较随便，称呼也比较亲热，感情真实，用词恰当。某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）隐藏多年的秘密应该用现在完成时。藏在记忆里宜用mind.

　　（2）let后做宾补的不定式省to，这种明显的错误是不应该犯的。

　　（3）当时还不能称secret，故改之。

　　（4）衣服撕破了，用tear.break一般是指一个整体破碎成若干成分。through在此表示原因。

　　（5）Once in a while 意为“偶然”、“不时地”，与上下文不符，故改之。