Mom,I Miss You

You left home after you and Father had a fight and have never returned since. At that time I was only two. From then on， Father uses [began] （1） to drink and smoke every day. When I was four， he died in an accident. I have lost him.

　　I live with my grandparents. They have taken lots of trouble to bring me up. When I see other children's parents take them to the park， to the school or to the cinema， how I envy them！

　　In dreams， I always see you and hear your sound [voice] （2）。 You're a nice woman. I throw myself on you and you take me in your arms closely. How happy I am then！ But when I awake from the dreams， everything still likes [is still like what it was] （ 3 ） before. I'm a girl lost [without] （ 4 ） Mother's love.

　　I asked grandma where you had gone and when you would be back. She said she didn't know， but she said if I was a goodchild， you would be back soon. So I study [have been studying] （5） hard. I'm one of the best students in the school. Teachers and students all like me. I have been expecting you to return every day， but every day I get disappointed.

　　Mom， do you still remember me？ Do you know my wish？Will you please be back soon？

　　I miss you， Mom.

　　安徽省合肥四十六中初二 徐平

　　评 语

　　这是一篇情真意切，充满感情的文章。它是用自己的心来完成的。它要告诉广大父母亲：自己的言行要对孩子负责，不要让孩子过早失去父母的爱。就语言而言，文章也写得不错。某些不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）这里uses用错了。

　　（2）人的嗓音要用voice.

　　（3）原句想用like表示“像”，但用错了。like表示“像”时，不是动词而是介词，要与be或look等连系动词一起用，如：

　　He looks like his father.

　　（4）lost是过去分词，不能这样做定语，不如改用介词without更简洁。

　　（5）这里用现在完成进行时，强调一直至今。