An Adventure

In the novel The Adventure of Tom Sawyer， the hero always calls his exploring or camping outside the town an“adventure”。 Now I'd like to tell you an“adventure”， virtually（实际上地）a terrific experience， which I had in March.

　　We have a small flat separate（分离的）from the place we are living. A gas water-heater（煤气热水器）was installed in the bathroom of that flat about ten years ago. We used to[will]（1）have a shower there if it is not very cold. It was Saturday last time[last Saturday]（2）；Dad took me there. When I began to have a bath， he went away to buy something. After a while， I felt a bit dizzy（头晕）。“It doesn't matter. I must have washed my hair for too long，”I thought. So I rinsed out the shampoo （漂去洗头膏）at once. However， I didn't feel better at all. Then I opened the bathroom window wider. It's[It was]（3）better then. So I go[went]（4）on showering. But I got so weak that I fell on the side of the bathtub（浴缸）。 My heart was beating horribly fast. I tried my best to get out of the bathroom.

　　A few minutes later， I found myself lying on the icy floor， body bare. I struggled up without my knowing it. I could not believe that I had fallen down. But the wet body-shaped print on the floor proved that I did [had]（5）！ Since the flat hasn't [hadn't]（6）been cleaned for months， my skin was covered with dirt. I went back into the bathroom to wash it off.

　　Soon I went out and I fell down again. I was too dizzy to realize that there was a gas leak（煤气泄漏）！ Some time later， Dad came back. I was then in the bathroom. I didn't know when I had got back there. Dad asked me to come out at once. However， I just couldn't move but kept breathing deeply.

　　It took me a long time to get dressed， of course， outside the bathroom. I didn't feel well until my parents took me to the hospital. I couldn't tell whether I had fainted away. According to the blood test report， CO was 16.1% in my red cell. It's[It was]（7）not very serious， but I had to take the high-pressure oxygen therapy（高压氧治疗）， as the norma1 CO standard is only 0%～2%.

　　In the oxygen cabin（氧气舱）， I noticed that， almost every day， new patients who were suffering from gas poisoning might be took[were sent]（8）in.“What a close call（侥幸脱险）！”Most of the people around would say. Once， I suddenly had a sickening feeling： the gas was really a killer. I want to tell you， my friends， that we must be very careful with gas. Properly used， it is a great help. If something goes wrong without being noticed， it's a matter of life and death.

　　上海市南模中学 席习

　　评 语

　　文章围绕记叙文的五个W要素完整地记叙了自己险些煤气中毒酿成大祸的经过，重点描述了自己煤气中毒后的反应，由于是亲身经历，因此文字很生动。语言运用也不错，有些词语的使用反映出作者有相当的英语基础，如：install， rinse out， therapy， a close call（侥幸脱险）等。但作者在时态把握上存在一定问题，文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）used to表示现在已不存在的过去习惯，但根据上下文似乎事实并非如此，故改之。

　　（2）原文对“上星期”表达错误。

　　（3）、（4）、（5）、（6）、（7）时态有误。

　　（8）原文动词take使用不当。