A Black Umbrella

It is raining again today. I look out of the window and think of a black umbrella [find myself thinking of that black umbrella again] （1）。

　　About two years ago， our school enlisted[arranged for] （2） us to see a film. The cinema was about two kilometres away from my home. The film was interesting and two hours passed quickly. When I stepped out of the cinema， I got worried——it was raining cats and dogs， but I didn't have an umbrella with me. I was hesitating at the lobby（门厅）of the cinema when a soft voice came from behind me，“What's the matter with you？ What can I do for you？”[“Hi， are you all right？”] （3） I turned around and found it was Xu Jing， one of my classmates. She was a sweet girl with long hair. We hadn't talked much before.

　　“You see， it's raining so hard that I can't go home at all [without an umbrella] （4）。”I replied.“I can lend you one，”she said.“Are you joking？ You haven't got an umbrella yourself.”“Oh， it doesn't matter，”she smiled.“My home isn't far from here. I can run home and fetch one for you.”With these words， she put a handkerchief on the head and rushed into the rain[she rushed into the rain with a handkerchief covering her head]（5）。 Soon she was out of sight.

　　It was not long before she came back. She was wet all over， her hair stuck to her face and forehead. I was more than happy. I could find no words to express my feelings at that time.

　　“Here you are，”she passed a black umbrella to me. I accepted it and said，“I can't thank you enough. It's so kind of you.”She smiled，“We're classmates. I'm glad to help you.”

　　A friend in need is a friend indeed. After that， we became good friends. Now she's in another school， but I can never forget her sweet smile and the black umbrella she passed to me that day.

　　安徽省休宁县休宁中学高二（2）班 程志良

　　评 语

　　这是篇叙述同学之间友爱互助的文章，语句简练、生动感人。对话给全文增添了动感。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）作者想表示“看到雨，想起令他难忘的那把黑伞”，但原文未能传递出这层意思，不定冠词a可泛指任何一把黑伞，读后会让人误解成“下雨了，想使用一把黑伞”。

　　（2）enlist用在这里，词意不符合上下文，故改之。

　　（3）“What can I do for you？”用得不自然，太客套。

　　（4）应点明“没有带伞”，无需用at all表示强调。

　　（5）全句重点在于rush into the rain，用手帕遮在头上是次要的伴随情况