A Trip to the Jinhua Hill

It was a fine day. Summer had already come. After breakfast， Father suggested that we go to the Jinhua Hill for a tour [trip]（1）。 What a wonderful idea！ We all agreed joyfully [readily]（2）。

　　About an hour's ride by bus， we got to the Jinhua Hill. [An hour's bus-ride brought us to the Jinhua Hill] （3）。It was known for Chen Zi'ang（陈子昂）， who was born in Tang Dynasty and was a great poet at that time [ a great poet in Tang Dynasty（朝代）] （4）。 To this day his poems were still read [In the present-day， his poems are still widely read]（5）。After getting off the bus， we entered the entrance [made for the entrance to the hill park] （6）。How fresh the air was！ It was pleasing to get near to nature： trees， grass， flowers——all those lovely things were around us. I heard birds singing in the trees. Were they reading [chirping（鸣唱）]（7）the poet's lines？ Along the path， we began to climb up the hill.

　　In a few minutes， we came to Chen Zi'ang's Reading Pavilion （亭阁）。 Several hundred years ago， Chen used to read books there. While entering the gate [Entering the pavilion] （8），we saw a portrait of the poet. There were also some other pictures and handwriting [works of calligraphy （书法）] （9） on the wall， from which you could know something about the poet's life. In order to uphold justice， he lost his life， but he had no regret.

　　Thinking of the poet， I also thought of myself. As a modern young man， what should I do？ I should be like the poet and try my best to be useful to our society.

　　四川省三台县三台中学 张 耘

　　评 语

　　写游记，最忌面面俱到，报“流水账”。这篇游记在记叙中有面有点，有详有略，在突出描述 Chen Zi'ang's Reading Pavilion 的同时，有感而发，颇为自然。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）tour 一般指到几个地方巡回旅游，故改为trip.

　　（2）汉语的“欣然同意”译成 to agree readily 比较符合英语习惯。在面临两种（或更多）选择时，中国学生往往选择接近汉语的一种表达方式，而忽略地道的英语表达方式（尽管两种都对）。我们要养成选择符合英语思维的表达方式的习惯，这在很大程度上要依靠我们去自觉地学习和模仿。

　　（3）参见（2）

　　（4）原句较散，改后简洁。

　　（5）至今还在读，故用现在时为好。

　　（6）、（8）原句为中国式英语。汉语可以说“进门”，英语要么说 enter the room 要么说 go through the door， enter the door成了人钻入门板里去了。

　　（7）改为 chirping更生动。

　　（9）表示“书法”，要用 calligraphy. handwriting 指“笔迹”或一个人的书写手迹。