Sons and Daughters of Shanghai

Shanghai born and Shanghai bred， I take great pride in being a Shanghailander. Shanghai， the biggest city in China and also one of the largest cities in the world， has been existing for seven hundred years. Compared with the history of China， it is a rather new city. But since it was set up， it has contributed a lot to China， especially in this century. [Compared with the history of China， the history of Shanghai is still a short one； but its contributions to the country has been enormous （巨大的）， especially in this century.] （1）

　　During the Northern Expedition （北伐）， in order to fight together with the Northern Expedition Army， the workers in Shanghai rose up in arms three times against the KMT reactionary rules [rule] （2）。 The pavements along Nanjing Road， the Bund （外滩）were once stained with the blood of those heralds [revolutionary pioneers] （3）。

　　May 1949 saw the liberation of Shanghai. Since then， the great city has taken on a new look. Now factories and enterprises have sprung up like mushrooms （雨后春笋般出现）。 People in Shanghai have been going all out in socialist construction. Their footprints have been left throughout the country： in the hot desert of Xinjiang， in the deep forests of Heilongjiang， on the sheer mountains of Tibet， along the sandy seaside of Hainan.

　　The famous geologist Pen Jiamu sacrificed （牺牲） himself in Xinjiang while doing scientific research. The well-known welding expert， Zen Le， has been working hard for about thirty years in order to develop the technique of welding. He resisted the temptation （诱惑） of high pay from some foreign companies， and has remained in his motherland to work for the growth of Shanghai and the rising of China.

　　Among the athletes who have won prizes in international matches [competitions] （4）， quite a few are from Shanghai， such as the famous jumper Zhu Jianhua， the famous swimmers Zhuang Yong and Yang Wenyi.

　　But nowadays， people in Shanghai are faced with a severe challenge （挑战） from both inside and outside the country——the national leading position is being shaken. Faced with the challenge， the Municipal Government of Shanghai has decided to make Shanghai more prosperous by developing its Pudong area. Shanghai people are filled with zeal （热忱） for the great project. In less than ten years， Pudong area will be developed beyond recognition. At that time， as graduates from the university， my classmates and I， together with millions of Shanghai people， will be doing our best in the development of Pudong area， turning Shanghai into the vanguard in China's modernization project [so that Shanghai will remain in the vanguard of the modernization of China] （5）。

　　上海外语学院附中 李嘉伟

　　评 语

　　文章从上海的历史，对全国各地的支援，工业、科技、体育等各界涌现出的先进人物以及上海面临的挑战等方面入手，用举例法展开全文，层次分明，结构严谨，语言运用也较好。曾获上海建城700周年英文作文竞赛一等奖，并被选送美国马萨诸塞州进行校际作文交流。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）原句较散，且把the history of China与it（上海）相比，修辞手段不当，故改之。

　　（2）rule指“统治”时，为不可数名词，作“规则”等解时，为可数名词。这种单复数形式表示不同词义的名词，英语中还有很多，写作时要特别注意。

　　（3）作者可能想表示“先驱者”，应该用pioneers，加上revolutionary更达意。

　　（4）match一般多指集体性质的球赛，如football match.这里根据上下文，显然是泛指体育比赛，用competition较好。

　　（5）根据上下文看，上海应该已经在“前锋队伍之列”，因此不存在turn into的含义。另外，vanguard也不是指“单个”，而是“一部分”，一般用于in the vanguard （of） 短语中。