Birthday Present

The sun was shining in the sky when I woke up. I was very excited because it was my birthday. I was twelve that day.

　　In the evening， my mother cooked me a bowl of noodles with two eggs. I had a very nice meal that evening.

　　After supper， I knew it was time give me the presents [to get presents from my mother， father and sister] （1） . What will they give me？ Toys？ No， I have grown up. I don't need these things any more. Oh！ Something nice to eat？ Chocolate？ No. I am not so greedy in [for] （2） eating. What were they then [will the presents be] （3） ？ I wondered.

　　At that moment， Mother came to me and said， “You sometimes catch cold. Here is a clock. It will make you get up to do exercises [in time for morning exercises] （4）。” She put the clock on the table. It was a beautiful clock. The sound it made was very nice. Father said to me， “I hope you can study well. Here is a new pen for you.” I got the pen in my hands. The pen was a good-looking one. The head of it gave off perfume. As I was appreciating the pen， my sister took out a book， and spoke to me with a smile， “I want to give the book Poem to you. I hope you will get more useful and wider knowledge.” This completed my happiness.

　　My mother gave me the clock for me to wake up earlier and keep a good health. My father and sister gave me the pen and the book for me to study well. I decided to work harder so that I wouldn't let them down.

　　长春外国语学校八八中一 王庆全

　　评 语

　　文章条理清楚，详略有致，语言朴实自然。初中学生能写出这样的文章，实属不易。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）原文动作执行者不清，故改之。

　　（2）greedy一般与介词for搭配。

　　（3）原文用 were they then，they指代不清，改为 the presents较好。

　　（4）原文会令人误解为做功课，故改之。