A Story in My Childhood

I still remember something interesting in my childhood. One day，some of my little friends founded（成立）a “kingdom”（王国）and made a ten-year-old boy their “king”。 They also made it a rule that nobody else could join them in playing games unless he or she became a member of the “kingdom”。 How I wished to join the“kingdom”and play with the children！ So the next day I went to see the“king”。

　　“Hello， king！ I'd like to be a man of yours. Would you like to admit me？”I asked.

　　“It depends if[That depends on whether]（1） you can guess our password，”the“king”answered.

　　“Oh， it's too much to[for]（2） me，”as I knew they changed their password every day.“But I'd like to have a try.”I said.“By the way， how many times can I guess？”

　　“Three times. Now it's time for your first try[your first try]（3）。”

　　“The sky，”I said without thinking much.

　　“No. Guess again.”

　　“The sun？”

　　“That's wrong. Now the last chance for you.”

　　I felt nervous. Suddenly I saw a tree nearby.

　　“Tree，”I shouted.

　　“You're mistaken again.”

　　My heart sank. Just when I was about to go home， the “king”stopped me.“Just a moment， please. Now I declare you are my man！”

　　What a pleasant surprise！ But I didn't know why I was so lucky until I found out later that the“king”hadn't decided on the password for that day until I said“tree”。

　　陕西省长安205研究所附中 Yue Zhi

　　评 语

　　这是一篇写得颇有童趣的作文，特别是对话部分写得尤为出色。另外，结尾出人意料，使文章更具可读性。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）depend on“取决于”后面不能用if引导的从句。That depends或It all depends意为“这要看情况”，后面一般不再跟句子。

　　（2）这里应该是“It's too much for me to do that”的简写，因此me前面介词要用for，不能用to.

　　（3）已经说了now，可以不必再用It's time，否则在口语中会显得啰唆。