The Round Moon

On every [Every] （1） Mid-autumn Festival before， my grandma would always look up at the round moon tearfully. “Perhaps I can only see her[see her only] （2） in the heaven.”She would say in a low voice， again and again. Being a little boy， I couldn't understand her at all. Later， Mother told me that my aunt had gone to Taiwan in 1949 and we hadn't had her news since.

　　With the Red Cross's help[the help of the Red Cross] （3）， an unexpected letter was sent to grandma one day five years ago. Grandma's tears wetted the letter when she read it.“It's her， it's her…”She couldn't help crying， excited and happy. I read the letter. It was full of a daughter's missing[homesickness] （4）。

　　“Dear mother， I am so excited to have learned that you are still alive and healthy. I was a girl when I left you， but now I've already become a gray-hair[gray-haired] （5） old woman. You must have gone through a lot of hardships these years. How I wish I could have shared them with you！ But I couldn't get in touch with you and didn't do what a daughter should have done. However， things have changed now. I really want to fly[over] （6） to see you at once…”

　　Finally， she returned. It goes without saying that we were very excited to meet one another.

　　Yesterday， I received an affectionate（充满深情的）letter from my aunt again. She wrote as follows，“It has been a long time since I left the mainland. I can't forget the days when we met there…I was so glad to see that our hometown has taken on a new look… My only biggest regret is that we can't get together for ever. I hope to live to the day when Taiwan is reunited…”

　　“Dear aunt， believe me， just as the moon must become round on the 15th of a month， our wish must be realized one day.”I wrote back， full of hope. Having finished the letter， I looked out of the window： the bright round moon seemed to be in the sky， although it was raining outside.

　　陕西省汉中市2327学校高一班 李宏伟

　　评 语

　　文章联系中秋节实际，情真意切。语句结构运用得也比较好，结尾也有耐人寻味之处。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）当表示时间的名词前加上every，last，next等词时，前面的介词可省去。

　　（2）only位置后移，强调突出in the heaven更好。

　　（3）Red Cross作为一个组织还是用“of属格”较好。

　　（4）missing 不妥。

　　（5）“形容词+表示人体一部分+ed”是一种常见的构词结构。如：broad-shouldered， long-legged， red-nosed等等。

　　（6）加上over表示台湾与大陆的地理关系。