Mother,Please Give Me More Love

Dear mother， please give me more love！

　　When I was a six-year-old girl， you left me and went to Shen Zhen City [the city of Shenzhen] （1）。 Now I'm a sixteenyear-old girl. I have grown up， but you have returned home only a few times in the past ten years.

　　I was in Grade One at that time. I often saw other children go out for a walk with their parents together. How I wish that you could come back！ But that was impossible， because you were far away from me. I often cried in my mind： Mother， please give me more love！ I need your love， Mother. I want to live like other children！ I wish to go out to play with you and Father. Why can other children live happily with their parents， while I can't？

　　I always felt sad when I saw other children playing with their mothers. Ten years have passed quickly. I have changed much. I don't think as what I was thinking of at that time [Now I think otherwise] （ 2 ）。 I am beginning to understand you. As a person， you must have your own work. That my mother， a common woman， can do well in business isn't so easy. I understand you. If I only think of myself and don't think of others， that is to say， I'm very selfish.

　　Now I can only say：“Mother， please give me a little more love when you are free . When you are busy working ， please don't think of me. You are a great woman！ ”[“Mother， you are a great woman！ But please give me a little more love when you are free， will you？”] （3）

　　湖北省黄冈中学高一（2）班 杨兰

　　评 语

　　本文以与母亲直接对话的形式，倾诉了自己渴望更多母爱的心声。在改革开放的大潮中，不少父母纷纷忙于“下海”，但给他们的子女又有什么影响呢？本文作者的所思所想不能不给我们以深思。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）“……市”，英语表达为：the city of…，如 the city of Beijing，不要受汉语影响写成…city.

　　（2）这句带有明显的翻译味，改后符合英语思维。

　　（3）结束语语义层次不够清楚，没有紧扣主题，另外，“When you are busy working，please don't think of me.”这句话也写得不自然，不恰当，故改之。