If I Can Fly

“I am sailing home again， cross the sea… I am flying， like a bird， cross the sky…”Whenever I hear this famous song， I can't help singing together and my heart flows into the blue， fascinating sky.

　　I'm a sensitive girl and I often fall into endless imagination……

　　If I could fly， I'd fly with seagulls （海鸥）， crossing the expansive ocean， feeling the fluctuation （起伏） of the tides. How excited [ exciting] （1） it would be！ I almost hear the wind's passing by， strong and powerful. I see whales smiling to me and playing their own games. It is the nature's voice which I'm always longing for in my dream. Only at this moment I could [could I] （ 2 ）look so closely at the true face of the sea， cool and ardent （热烈）， shaking and peaceful， irritable and broad-minded. Oh， how I wish I could fly like a bird！

　　If I could fly one day， I'd fly into the green forests， to seek a sort of fresh feeling. I would breathe the fresh air which mixes with the flowers' odor. Each leaf gives me a little surprise which attracts me deeper into the trees. The white， mysterious mist（薄雾）among the trees covers my body. That makes me feel myself part of nature. If I could fly one day， I'd fly into the dark night under the soft moonlight ， to be near the stars. I would fly on the gentle wind. I would feel as free as a bird， forgetting all about fear. The stars are twinkling with naughty eyes as if there's [were ]（ 3 ） a wonderland ahead， hidden in the dark-ness.

　　…………

　　The dream ends when I'm back to the reality that I'm not a bird but a sixteen-year-old girl. However， the imagination brings me lots of fun， which I can't find in my text books.

　　上海市向明中学高一（1）班 常永恩

　　评 语

　　文章表现出十五六岁的少年对生活充满幻想。幻想有积极和消极之分，但愿每一位学生多一些健康向上、振奋人心的幻想，同时努力学习，刻苦钻研，用自己的双手把美好的幻想变为现实。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）句中it是指fly，因此，应该用exciting，表示令人激动。现在分词和过去分词，如 exciting／excited，interesting／interested，tiring／tired，surprising／surprised等等，现在分词都有“令人……”的含义，而过去分词均为“感到……”，如：

　　The new teacher is very interesting.教师很有趣。

　　The new teacher is interested in fishing.新教师对钓鱼感兴趣。

　　（2）“only +状语”开头的句子，主谓语要倒装。

　　（3）as if从句常用虚拟式，这里根据上下文显然要用虚拟语气，故改之。