My Augels

It is said that God sends two angels to each new-born baby.These two angels will be with the child all his life， loving him， guarding him， and never leaving him behind. One day， the child himself becomes an angel， too， and there will also be another child under his wings. Of course， as time goes on， I'm no longer young to think it's true. I am willing to believe it. Because [because] （1） I do feel there're two angels around me.And I guess each and every one of us feels that， too.My angels， Mom and Dad， are now and will always be the ones who stay closest to the softest part of my heart. My mom， an affable （和蔼可亲的） woman， cares for me in every way. And all the things she's done for me shows [show] （2） her tender love. My dad is more serious. He's so busy that there won't be [is not] （3 ） much time he can share with us. But I'm aware of all that I've received from him. I know his love is deep inside.

　　As the story [of God's angels] （4） goes， the angels used to fly so freely in the wide sky， without pain and without sorrow. But since the baby was born， their wings have no longer been for flying but [for] （ 5 ） keeping the wind and rain away from the child. Year after year， even if their wings become stiff， a short rest is still impossible. Because [because] （ 6 ） the child needs them every minute. Whenever I think of that， my parents' figures will always come into my mind. Their days are gone， so they have placed all their hope on me. Just in the case of the angels， weakness or tiredness can't knock them down. As long as I need them， I know， they will surely be there for me.

　　So many days have passed. Looking back， I've ever [never] （7） given up or lost my faith [no matter what difficulty I have met in my life ] （ 8 ） . In the warmth of their arms， I've found the strength and courage to carry on. I believe I'll never lose their care. The wide world is so changeable， and I often get lost in what's going on. But I won't be afraid， for I know there're four strong arms supporting me and two hearts beating for me. I'd only like to sincerely thank God for sending such a complete and eternal （永远的） love into my life.

　　湖州中学高一（12）班 顾军

　　评 语

　　作者从一个较为新颖的角度，赞美了父母亲对子女的无限关爱和支持。文章以一个美丽的传说开始，并用比较法展开，将父母比作传说中保护孩子的天使，全文充满感情，能打动读者的心。文中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）、（6）这里都应该是原因状语从句，不能自成句子，because 前面的句号要去掉。

　　（2）主语是all the things，动词 show要用复数形式。

　　（3）表示一般经常性的情况，用一般现在时较自然。

　　（4）中间已插入讲了一大段自己的父母亲，回过头来再讲文章开头的传说，为了表达清楚，故加上of God's angels.

　　（5）加上 for 与前面的 for flying并列起平衡强调作用。

　　（7）根据上下文应为never.

　　（8）原文语义似乎未完整。