Twins？

Many of the people who have seen [see] （1） my sister and me can't help asking us the same question. Are you twins？No， my sister is three years older than I， I'll say. But in fact [However，] （2） we are very alike in appearances and almost of the same height.

　　My sister has beautiful and long hair. She is a quiet girl. On the contrary， I'm more active. In fact， I'm so active that my sister often says to me，“Could you be quiet？”I have my hair cut just like a boy's. I like Rock＆Roll， skating， swimming and playing table tennis. But my sister doesn't. She likes light music and playing the piano. My sister has such a wide range of knowledge that she can talk about things from ancient to present， from home to abroad， while I have nothing to say after several minutes of my speech. Besides， she likes to point out my mistakes during my speech， and never gives me the face [takes pains to save my face] （3）。 My sister is really very good at English. She went to college last year. Her spoken English， listening and writing are wonderful. She often talks to me in English. Usually I'm not able to catch her， so I often ask her to repeat in Chinese. But she will still speak in English again and again until I know what she means. Sometimes I think it not nice of her to do so， but I make [have made] （4） much progress in spoken English in this way. My sister always says to me，“You should learn from Karl Marx. When you are using a foreign language， you should forget all about your native language.”

　　Though we are quite different in character， my sister and I are very close [love each other] （5）。 We often go out together. There come two people. One is saying to the other，“Look， twins！”My sister and I will smile and say，“Twins？”

　　湖北省黄冈中学高二（2）班 金朝霞

　　评 语

　　文章用对比法生动地描写了姐妹俩的外貌和性格。但标题及最后一段似乎没能概括出全文的主题。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

　　（1）、（4）根据上下文，see my sister and me与ask us the same question应该几乎是同时发生的，没有必要用完成时态强调先后，而make much progress则应该用现在完成时表示已取得的成绩。

　　（2）下文很快又出现in fact，从修辞学角度考虑，此处可改用However.

　　（3）原文有中国式英语之嫌，故改之。

　　（5）根据Longman词典，close作“亲密的”解时一般只作定语用，而不能用作表语，如a close friend， a close relationship，类似的形容词还有main，如main difficulties.相反，有些形容词如alike，afraid等一般用作表语，而不能放在名词前作定语，如：The two sisters are alike. 对英语形容词的这种特点要注意观察、归纳和小结。